Nothing to do with Charlize Theron or Bob Dylan.

Location: Norwich, United Kingdom

Keep on Truckin'.

Friday, March 17, 2006

A Bohemian Life

These last few weeks are a fooking killer, and my ever-tightening purse strings are doing nothing to help the rabid persona I have adopted about the house, nor cure the literal twitchy eye I had last week, that went away in Dublin, and came back on Monday evening, approx. 7pm. People are starting to look at me as though I may gag them with my own two fingers. Today, in a misunderstanding, Moo and Em thought I was retracting meal vouchers needed for her 21st! Birthday! for my own private candelit dinner, such is my reputation for being resident über-bitch and Someone To Actively Avoid™.

The fact that I can currently only afford one meal a day (sausages) and am, at all other times, living solely on honey-on-toast (which is NOT filling and has made me headachy and constipated to the point of wondering whether faeces can, in fact, be retched out) has, thankfully, gone unnoticed. Because I may look as pale as Tony Blair when he heard the recording of Cherie singing, 'When I'm 64', but at least I still have my pride. Unlike Cherie. Although she probably doesn't discuss her bowel-movements online. I call it 1-1.

In other food-related news, I notice that KFC are now shockingly doing a "Mum's-Night-Off Bargain-Bucket", conveniently in the run up to Mothering Sunday (the 26th of April, kids- Pritt-Sticks at the ready!) I was thinking that if I were to get my Mum a bucket o'something for her nigh-on 22 years of trouble it might have to be more than chicken. This year, I'm guessing she'd probably quite like a bucket o'grenades, or even a bucket o'cats, to hurl at various men, passers-by, and anyone who blocks her in because of a wedding, the purpose of which she sees only the following:

(a) An Oscar's Red Carpet-style "Fashion Hits and Wardrobe Malfunctions" run-through.
"The bride is FAR too dumpy to carry that off".
"Halterneck? With her arms?"
"What. An. Ugly. Hairstyle", etc etc

(b) A mock-Tomorrow's World POTENTIAL DEATH-TRAP! run-through.
"Those kids are going to hit my bloody car with that shoe if they're not careful!"
"If that horse steps back a bit more it's going to crush that baby!"
"One day, they'll tug on a tombstone like that and it'll fall on them and break their leg!" etc etc

OK, I'm resident evil. But you can see where I get it from.


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